Failure is not an option

Gaaaaaaah!

Yes, I'm still here, it's 9pm, but I'm still here. Jeez, take one night off and the pressure starts. The pressure!

Self-imposed, okay, because I started this challenge. I get it.

There is more pressure, though. When I get fatigued, things get ugly in my head. And I am often fatigued. More and more, every day. DH took the cutie out this evening, so I could have some tv time. TV time! You read that right.

And now, now I'm all full of worry. I'm worried that I won't have enough time for anything that I have to do. Worried that my fatigue is making me forget things. Worried that my homework won't get done. And GODDAMNIT why must I take that class, anyway?

I keep asking people at work, "What if we all just said no?" I mean, really. What if hundreds of people just said they wouldn't do it. Shit, we are down 1.5 teachers in my department, still! On October 8! How are they going to replace me, I ask you?

This job certainty, job "security" doesn't make me feel secure. It makes me feel sicker and sicker, every day. Taking days off for my health are becoming more and more of a reality.

And just now I thought that I have to reschedule with the acupuncturist on Friday, because otherwise I'll be late. Dammit!