I did it!

I BLOGGED EVERY DAY IN OCTOBER!

HOORAAAAAAAY!

I'm the Queen of the World!!!! of blogging.

Halloweeeeeeeeeeeen!

So fun!

Our little cutie had TWO costumes this year, as I do better makeup than papa. Papa had to get the cutie ready for school, so he slapped on the kitty headband and clipped on the tail, and off she went.

Tonight, I did her makeup like you see above. Imagine that as a 4-year-old.

Real photos to be posted soon.

Good reviews

Amazing! Thanks so much to Kitt, who posted this glowing review of my soaps and website! Rock on!

Can't focus

I can't focus on anything today. I went shopping, and forgot the hot dogs. I also forgot the cash I was supposed to take out of the bank and bring home.

As mentioned yesterday, this past weekend kicked my ass. I only mention it again as my ass still feels kicked. My arms and legs are sore, as well.

Why? Because I loaded and unloaded my vehicle 8 times in a 24 hour period.

NaBloWriMo is almost done! Only two more days, and I won't feel the obligation to post each day. Why do I do it, then?

I have no idea right now. Can't focus.

Wow!

I think I'm gettin' old. I can't do this anymore!

I worked Saturday night, from about 5:30pm to midnight, then drove home. I got to bed around 1am, then got up at 6:30am to prepare for the farmer's market today.

This was brutal! I am in a fog--I didn't really nap, but eventually found the strength to turn on Law and Order: Criminal Intent and watch a few episodes. I love any Law and Order show.

What? You want highlights of the Witches' Ball? Okay. Aside from my annoying greeting line, "Are you having a ball???!" the night was mostly hysterical. The Magickal Marketplace is one crowded room, let me tell you. I'm so glad I brought my friend Ann with me--she helped make the time fly. We wore matching witch hats: mine was green, and hers was black.

The guy sitting right behind us, and I mean 12 INCHES AWAY, wore no underwear, which was perfectly clear every time he bent over or sat down, which was 90% of his activity. Luckily, possessing common sense, we faced the other way as much as possible.

This did not prevent us from seeing ass. One guy was walking around in what looked like a brown diaper with suspenders. After averting our eyes, with much difficulty, to his footwear, we realized he was supposed to be a Roman Centurion. Another guy was naked from the waist up, with a pan flute around his neck, wearing a speedo and fishnet tights with huge holes. I did not notice him at first--Ann told me about him. And then a kick to the shin made me turn my head, and he WAS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY TABLE WITH HIS ASS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF MY FACE OH HOLY MOTHER OF STARBUCKS!

Ann had warned me.

Another favorite outfit was the woman dressed as a "ho" while her man was dressed as a "pimp." As a woman, I object to this sort of Halloween costumery. Ann and I both objected to the fact that this woman was 6 feet tall before wearing heels, wore a "dress" that had a zipper in the front from the bottom to the top, worn unzipped to well past her cleavage, and with a skirt "length" that did NOT reach past her vajayjay. How did we know this? Did I mention she was 6 feet tall before the heels? Standing right in front of us, as we were sitting? Did you hear me say "vajayjay?" Yes, you heard right.

There were some stellar fairy wings and butterfly wings and witch hats and such. Super-creepy wings that looked like they were made out of flesh. People dressed as walking trees. Most of the costumes were awesome.

And the people themselves? So friendly and social. This was unlike the farmer's market for me, which is often filled with The Grouchy, as it is relatively early on a Sunday morning. The folks laughed and joked with us, and we all had A BALL!

Then I had to get up at 6:30 this morning and be all "congenial" and "affable" and "such." It was difficult! But I did it.

Witchy Wonderland

Tonight I am vending at The Witches' Ball. I wanted to attend the ball for fun last year, but it didn't fit into our busy schedule. Last year I had left my email with the organizer of the event. She contacted me, asking if I wanted to apply for this year, which I did. And I got in!

It's not the largest vending opportunity that I've had, but the rent is very reasonable, and a friend of mine is vending with me, so we can also enjoy the festivities. There will be food, and music, and tarot card reading, and all the other vendors. Folks will be decked out in Halloween costumes, and it promises to be a rocking good time.

I have been preparing for this weekend for the past week. Luckily, we had a break for Wednesday through Friday, so I had the time to sit for hours on end, making lip balms and sugar scrub and facial cleansing oil, and soap. And soap!

I've left the easiest work for today. I have to pack a soap order for Sunday morning (yes, back-to-back vending! Super!, and then assemble the stuff in the car. No problem!

There may be time for relaxing! What's up with that???

My perfect day

Someone sent me this meme. She triple-dog dared me to do it.

*****

My perfect day starts with me getting out of bed when I wake up naturally. No alarm clock. I make a perfect pot of coffee, and take my cup down to my lovely, fully-finished basement, where my office awaits. I sit down and start work at my publishing business, on the computer. The cat box is perfectly clean.

I work until I'm hungry. My perfect husband gets our perfect daughter ready for school. It's a public school, so nothing is really perfect--except right now, when I'm dreaming! She has a perfect teacher who meets all her academic needs.

I eat when I'm hungry and drink when I'm thirsty, and I make about $2,000 per day at the computer. All of my work is computer and internet-based.

Around 2pm, I'm done working and I'll go to the gym to work out, or take the dogs to the park. I'll come home and get dinner started. My perfect husband will have picked up our daughter from school, and she will do her homework at the table while we prepare dinner.

We will eat dinner as a family.

After dinner, we will play with our daughter, or do simple family chores around the house. Television might be involved.

I will help get my daughter get ready for bed, and read Harry Potter to her until she falls asleep. Then, I will hang out on the computer, or read, or watch tv, or take a long bath, or DO WHATEVER I WANT until it is time for bed.

Then I will fall asleep, happy in the knowledge that I had a perfect day.

*****

Do I seem easy to please, or what?

Tension

I have plenty of time. This is what I'm telling myself, because it's a beautiful day, and tomorrow the weather is going to change. So I should take advantage of the beautiful day by getting out of the house. Playing. Soaking some sun into my bones.

Homework. Business work. It all beckons.

I suppose I'll do some business work, then run an errand and won't come back for a while.

I just love the pictures.

Enjoy the freedom!

Fully here

Well, maybe 80%.

I got a full night of sleep, and already my day has been productive! I can't believe the lazy foos I live with--it's 11am and they are still asleep! The shame of it.

I thought about sharing my to-do list with you, but I think that would be boring. Instead, I'll share that I am so happy I could spit. I've needed a day off from school for so long, I thought this day would never come. And now that it's here, I don't quite know what to do with myself.

Enter to-do list.

Not on my to-do list is calling friend Steve at work. I shall do that now, and report back later. Maybe.

Barely here

I have to go to sleep. We have three days off and I'm going to make the best of them. I have two shows this weekend (Witches' Ball and the farmer's market), and I have to prepare.

HOLY MOTHER OF STARBUCKS I'M TIRED.

And I have so much to do. I have learned, though, that when I feel most desperate is at night, when I'm tired. In the morning, if I can get some good sleep, I'll be able to work near-miracles.

In addition to that, I think I'll go to the library tomorrow.

Two days

We have parent-teacher conferences today and tomorrow. Well, we HAD them today, and we will have them tomorrow. Two days of working from 7am-8pm. This is what it takes to have Wednesday-Friday off this week. They call it "Fall Break." As hard as they make us work for it, they should call it "Fall Down and Try Not To Break Your Face When You Do."

Sunday's post was pre-action on Sunday. 3am posts count, though! That was a rough night, but I still got up early to pack the car and go to the farmer's market. I thought it would be fun--folks strolling through the snow, with their kidlets wrapped up in blankets on a sled. Laughing and joking, and, "I love snow! Don't you love snow?"

This snow came in sideways, and stayed that way for quite a few hours. We got about 5 inches in just a few hours, which isn't the worst, but it was below 30 degrees with winds strong enough to blow my tent around. I didn't set up my stuff--I just backed my car under my tent and "sold" out of the back of the car. "Sold" is in "quotes" because I only "sold" one bar of soap. At 9:45 my gloves rebelled on me when I took one off, and the lining slid out with my hand, and I couldn't get it back in there. DAMMIT!

So I took off--went to Costco, went to Sunflower Market, then went home. Hung out in my jammies all day. It was great!

But now we are broke. This weekend will definitely be better--weather in the 60s, and two shows!

How fast can you move?

I bet you'll find out how fast you can move when, all of a sudden, unannounced and without warning, your child vomits in bed. Your bed. Where she fell asleep with you, waiting up for papa.

It's fast movement.

Can't ditch two weeks in a row.

I'm going to vend tomorrow! Someone, please come and take a picture of me, shivering under my snow-covered tent. It ought to be hilarious. But I feel bad ditching two weeks in a row. And I need the money. Perhaps someone will take pity on me while I'm out there, shivering.

And adventure! That's how I'm approaching it. We'll see who comes out--will they tromp through in their boots, dragging their kids in a sled behind? Will they scurry through with their dogs, barely looking at me? Will they bring me hot cocoa and chat and call me crazy?

Yes, they will.

Making up for the ditcher

Apparently, ditching the market last weekend was the correct thing to do. I think I've received 7 soap orders in the past two days! It's awesome!


Today was a banner day for the mail, as well. Isn't it so cool when you get real mail in the mail? I throw away so much mail, it's insane. I shred much of it, as well. Today, however, I got some new labels for lip balm, AND a new coat. I haven't even tried it on, yet. Blog first, enjoy coat second.

This week has been so very stressful, my weekend posts may not be exciting. I might talk about jammies. Or tea drinking. Or perhaps the pleasures of lazing about. We can dream, right?

Almost missed it!

I was at work at 5:40am today, and didn't get home until 5:30pm. Most days are NOT like that for me, but every once in a while it has to happen.

So I almost forgot to blog! I got my homework done, ran my errand for school tomorrow........

Such a short post. Hardly even counts.



....but it does.

You won't believe it.

So last night, my heart started to race. It wouldn't stop. It felt like my entire torso was vibrating from the inside.

And it wouldn't stop.

So I don't eff with heart problems, right? I took an aspirin and tried to fall back asleep.

Didn't work, as right when I fell asleep, the dog barked. More adrenaline. More shaking. It felt like I was awake all night, but I know I wasn't, because I woke up. If I woke up, I had to have slept at some point.

Was this an anxiety attack? A precursor to a heart attack? I didn't know. But this morning I didn't feel it, so I went to work.

Then I felt it again, around 10am. Vibrating inside. I called the doctor and made an appointment. After lunch, the weirdness went away. Low blood sugar from my meds?

Went to the appointment, and guess what?

My blood pressure is superb.

My pulse is perfect.


The doctor doesn't know what it is, but does not suspect low blood sugar, as she says that's "very rare." I don't know if I believe her, but whatever. I just don't want this shit to happen again.

Anybody else think it's time for me to find another job? Anybody believe now that public schools systematically work teachers to death?

Nature uplifts me.

I'm sitting on my back patio, doin' my Internet stuff, when all of a sudden I think to myself, "gawd, I'm happy." The breeze is cool, and the air is crisp and clean, and there are still some leaves left on my little trees. It's getting a little too cold to sit out here, and I can hear construction trucks and a jet in the distance, but it's still very, very good.

I sold three books today--that helps me to feel happy. I also enjoy thinking about the time when I will leave my job and become self-employed. I'll be able to sit out on my patio with a crocheted afghan around my legs, any ol' time I want.

Being at home with my family is what I want. I also want some sleep. I can accomplish a tremendous amount of stuff on a full night of sleep.

What will do it?

Last night, at about 8pm, I might have had a small anxiety attack. My heart began to race, I couldn't breathe very well, I got a bad headache all of a sudden, and I couldn't seem to wrap my brain around anything.

I asked my husband, "Don't most heart attacks happen on Monday morning?"

He said, "uh...yep. They do. Why?"

I said, "What about Sunday night?"

So I took some ibuprofen and went to bed, trying to think of other things. The other things generally involve me visualizing how my life will be when I am self-employed. And then I drift off to sleep, calm, peaceful.

Today at work, I didn't have a heart attack. But work is bad for me right now. Very, very bad.

Ditcher!

At 7am this morning, it was 38 degrees and raining. I had to call the game, so to speak.

It's hard for me to decide NOT to go to the farmer's market and vend my wares. We need the money--we live on it, using it for gasoline, groceries, and toilet paper.

But it started raining yesterday, and it was cold. And the weather forecast showed it to be cold during the market time, and raining the entire time, as well. So I sent a pre-emptive email.

At 6am, when my biological clock wakes me, whether I want to or not, I got up and checked outside. It was raining, and I could see my breath. Forget it! Who's going to go to the market on a day like today? If I was a customer and not a vendor, I know that I wouldn't go to the market today. And the people who would go are the hard-core folks who would be hoping for vegetables.

No, ma'am. No, thank you. Cold, rain, and wind--forget it! Y'all will have to buy your soap next week.

I'm going on record.

I hate Ikea.


It is not my style. And, I don't like looking at it. I imagine the stuff is uncomfortable and it probably would make me itch.

I was looking at this site called Renovation Voyeur, thinking that I would enjoy seeing people's before and after photos of their renovations. No such luck--all of the renovations listed so far (not that many) have dark wood floors, stark white walls, and angular everything. It all looks very sterile and sharp corners, and ugh. Ugh!

I had to stop looking!

Out on the town.

Papa took the cutie to her cousin's house for a sleepover! So we went out to eat. I had high hopes for the restaurant, but it was just okay. Nothing too impressive. DH really preferred my oxtails to his steak. I liked the oxtails, but the rice had strange spices in it, and the corn garnish was just meh. The fried plantain garnish was great, though.

We decided to go somewhere else for dessert and coffee. We ended up at an Italian place, with 1960's groovy Italian jazz playing in the background, and ultra-modern decor. The waiter seemed less than thrilled to be serving "two for dessert." The coffee was absolute shit, but the desserts were good.

It's a lovely evening. And now I'm home, on the couch, in my jammies, watching the Colorado Rockies play the Arizona Diamondbacks. Go Rockies!

I'll be in bed soon.

A blast!

I am socializing all over the place. Last night, bunco. Tonight, not so much. Tomorrow, out on a "date" with my "husband." What is going on with me?

In the midst of all this, I cannot seem to muster the strength to make soap. I need to, desperately. I guess it will have to wait until Saturday. That works out, because I do the markets on Sunday, anyway. I need to get into that groove. So very tired.

Along with everything else in my life, I have to take a class. It's ridiculous, because we are mandated to take it or lose our teaching positions at our school. Not our jobs, mind you, but just our positions. There is a part of me that wants to refuse, because then they must place me at a non-ELA school. There are very few schools with a non-ELA designation in DPS. I wonder what would happen if we all refused?

Bunco!

It's bunco night!

I was invited about two weeks ago. Apparently, this is all the rage with the suburban housewives. The game is not difficult, and the point of the evening is to have an evening, I guess. We will bring appetizers to share. We will socialize.

This is going to be the best night of my life so far this school year. (That's just since August 20.)

I had such a great time at the art museum the other day, it made me want MORE socializing! More fun with friends!

I've gone insane!

Blood Pressure

So I went to school, and was mad right off the bat. Just mad about being there, mad about all the stuff I have to do, mad that I have to deal with the crazy kids that belong to everyone else...I'm just sick of it.

We got the announcement that our teacher's association has reached a tentative agreement with the district for our salary. Get this--to get the extra .4% (read that percentage carefully--it's "point four percent" or "four-tenths of one percent"), we have to work extra days! That's right--they'll give us more money if we work more days.

Um....that's not a raise?

So anyway, our school nurse is a nurse practitioner, which I think means that she can write prescriptions and do most anything a general doctor can do. I asked her if she would check my blood pressure, and she agreed immediately, and I mean right that second. She got the blood pressure cuff and did it right then. The upper number was more than 20 points higher than it normally is! I knew my job was affecting my health.

She told me she would come take my blood pressure again, at some other point in the day and she wouldn't tell me when. She thought it would be better then, and she was right--she came right in when I was teaching class! I sat down and she took my blood pressure--the kids were very interested. Those numbers were much better--the top number was 20 points lower than in the morning, and the bottom number was 2 points lower.

So, I'm most relaxed when I'm with kids, and full of MURDEROUS RAGE when I'm not. Oh, and they are going to pay us a few more peanuts, but only if we work more. That's not a raaaaaaaise!

I've gotta figure how I can chill out.

Failure is not an option

Gaaaaaaah!

Yes, I'm still here, it's 9pm, but I'm still here. Jeez, take one night off and the pressure starts. The pressure!

Self-imposed, okay, because I started this challenge. I get it.

There is more pressure, though. When I get fatigued, things get ugly in my head. And I am often fatigued. More and more, every day. DH took the cutie out this evening, so I could have some tv time. TV time! You read that right.

And now, now I'm all full of worry. I'm worried that I won't have enough time for anything that I have to do. Worried that my fatigue is making me forget things. Worried that my homework won't get done. And GODDAMNIT why must I take that class, anyway?

I keep asking people at work, "What if we all just said no?" I mean, really. What if hundreds of people just said they wouldn't do it. Shit, we are down 1.5 teachers in my department, still! On October 8! How are they going to replace me, I ask you?

This job certainty, job "security" doesn't make me feel secure. It makes me feel sicker and sicker, every day. Taking days off for my health are becoming more and more of a reality.

And just now I thought that I have to reschedule with the acupuncturist on Friday, because otherwise I'll be late. Dammit!

Sucky

It was a sucky day at the farmer's market. Didn't make much money. Far below average. It was cold, but not rainy, but that silver lining is VERY THIN.

Went to Costco. Bought a huge bag of M & M's. It made me feel better.

I am finally able to sit and relax. And I have no idea what to do with myself.

Gah!

Everything Should Taste Like Bacon

I'm sold.

DAM, that's good art.

Some quotes from our excursion to the Denver Museum of Art:

L: "Do you suppose they put those kickrails there because someone brained themselves on the diagonal wall?"

****

A: "This artist's quote is: "A stripe is as valid as a goddamn flower.""

****

E: "Do you suppose those parts get stuck, and some guy has to come out here with a pole and unhook them?"
A: "Yeah. *affects hillbillly accent* Hey, Cletus! It's your turn to unhook Oblique Lines Down Number 3! (Cletus) Goddamn, that sculpture is gonna ruin mah day!"

****

A: "What the hell is this? Digital clocks inside shiny discs? *reads sign* 80 different people in Denver set the speed for each of the 80 different things. I still don't get it. This means nothing to me."

E: "Nobody had ever done it, and he got a grant."

***

J: "I want to walk on that ledge."

L: "Me, too."

A: "Terrifying."

E: "Too slippery."

****

A: *whispers to J* "It looks like a big penis."


****

E: *pouts*

A: "What happened?"

E: "I dropped my butter." *picks it up, inspects it for dirt*

L: "Don't even think about it! We'll get a new one!"


****

Chugga chugga, chugga chugga, woo woo!

Hop on the Amy train!

Today was a little disjointed--hubby is a bit ill, and has been under the weather for a few days. Last night he asked me if I could take a 1/2 day off, to help him out. He watches our daughter, you see, so I need to stay home for him to have a day off.

I agreed to it, as I need a break from work, anyway. So I got up this morning, checked my email, started getting dressed...

...and realized that today is the first day of our enrichment classes for the kids! Gaaaaaaah! Of course, that class is the last class of the day! I can't take the last 1/2 off!

But I already did. I called it in last night. So, when I got to school I had to check to make sure they got my sub request, start making plans for period 6 and 7, and find someone to sub for period 8. I called the speech therapist and left a message, hoping she could push back our appointment, so I could still teach the new class. Yes, I am crazy, but it's the fun class, for the love of bob! I can't miss the first day!

During my first class, the speech therapist called me back, saying she could reschedule for later. Hooray! So I scrambled like crazy to plan for the afternoon, finished teaching my two classes at the same time ("independent work day"), made my copies, and went home around 9:45am.

I hung out for about an hour, got the cutie ready, and we went to the soap supply warehouse to get the stuff I've needed for over a week. We then drove home, had some lunch, and I did some internet work. I convinced hubby to watch the cutie for 1.5 hours while I went back to school to teach.

I taught. At the bell, I bolted home. I picked up the cutie, drove her to speech therapy, then went to Starbucks while she was there. She finished the therapy, and we drove home. Finally. And I've just finished making my family some dinner.

Tonight, I'll make soap.

Mememememememememeeeeeee

4 Jobs I’ve Held

1. Wafflehouse Waitress. Okay, it wasn't exactly a wafflehouse, it was/is a diner. But I love the Bill Hicks joke that he tells. He's sittin' in a wafflehouse, reading his book. The waitress comes up and says, "Whatcha readin' for?" Not, "Whatcha readin'?" "Whatcha readin' for?" At which point Bill Hicks thinks for just a second and says, "I suppose it's because I don't want to be a fucking wafflehouse waitress!"
   
2. Golf caddy. This was for the Amana V.I.P. in or around 1987. I didn't get paid, it was just for "prestige." I caddied for one day for some guy who was a soap opera star whose name I can't remember.
3. Radio DJ. Again, unpaid, but sooooooooo much fun. Did you know an FCC license is for life? I earned mine working one shift per week for 89.7fm, KRUI, Iowa City.
   
4. Public school teacher. For the past 15 fucking years.
   

4 Films I Could Watch Over and Over

1. Harry Potter (all of them)
   
2. French Kiss
   
3. Hellboy
4. LOTR

4 TV Shows I Watch

1. The Closer
2. Deadwood
3. I don't watch...
4. ...much tv.
   

4 Places I’ve Lived

1. Amana, Iowa My hometown.
2. Iowa City, Iowa My college hometown. 5 years. I often miss it.
   
3. Houston, Texas Two years of living in a shithole. That place literally smells like shit--it's in the air! I never miss it.
4. Denver, Colorado Since 1994. I wish we could afford a nicer neighborhood. Someday...

4 Favorite Foods

1. French Onion soup My recipe, originally from Juila Child.
2. Pumpkin pie My grandma's recipe. Nobody else's.
3. Stuffed sweet red peppers My husband's recipe. Nobody else's.
4. Roasted chicken Anybody's recipe, as long as it is succulent.

4 Websites I Visit Everyday

1. Gmail
2. Perez Hilton
3. Olde Crone's Bewitching Bath Soap
   
4. Normal Bob Smith
   

4 Favorite Colors

1. Indigo blue
   
2. royal purple
   
3. fairy dust iridescent purply-pink
   
4. pumpkin

4 Places I Would Love to Be Right Now

1. NYC
2. In My New House (ha!)
   
3. Iowa City
   
4. In my finished basement (ha!)
   

4 Names I Love But Would/Could Not Use for my Children

1. Xuxa
2. Salma
3. Margo
4. Sadie

Insane

It is so insane to me, the amount of work I'm being asked to do each day. There is no way to get everything done. I know, I know. All I do is bitch about how much work I have to do.

But it took me two days to produce all of the documentation for 8 meetings. They are even pre-filled forms, mostly. I had to type in my name and phone number, etc. But the system that produces these forms is new to all of us this year, and I keep getting interrupted. There is always some kid who needs behavior assisstance, a teacher who needs help with a particular student's needs, an administrator who wants me to do something. And I've got to finish paperwork from two previous meetings. And identify the 8 or so GT kids in the 6th grade.

At least I get paid for the last part.

More and more I feel ridiculous doing what I do. I feel like it's not really me.

Am I missing something?

I just got an email with the subject line, "your resume." The email says, "Your resume came through to me," but then, in the last line, asks for me to, "reply...and attach the most current version of your resume."


Um....you have it?

This is not a place with a job, but a place that helps folks find jobs. Not interested!

Something different

I want to do something different.

I received a lovely rejection letter in the mail yesterday. I had applied for a job, and they thought that my experience and qualifications were "impressive," but were not a good fit for the job.

Well, I guess that's that.

Giving up is not an option. I have to do something different. This job does not fulfill my needs. My needs include filling my bank account, so there you go. I've gotta get out of here.

Self-employment is a big leap, and I'm about killing myself trying to go about it the risk-free way. That way includes having several on-the-side self-employment ventures. When one of those pays off big, then I can quit. But not until then. I remember corresponding with an author, mentioning that quitting my job wasn't an option right now. He said, "When you hate it enough, you'll quit." I worry that my endurance threshold is too high.

If I lived in a big house in a lovely neighborhood, I might take out a loan against the equity and live on that while building the business. But my option right now is to build a business while working full-time. It's exhausting!

I might die before I can enjoy the lifestyle that self-employment affords.

Mmmm.....bed.

I know there are plenty of people out there who work hard. I know there are plenty of folks who work jobs that are more physically demanding than mine.

But I was forced to admit today that I am tired. Bone tired. I fall asleep each night within 60 seconds of hitting the pillow. And I am also at the point where I wonder each night if that will be my last.

I don't WANT to die. I just WONDER if I will. That's how tired I am.

I made the mistake of telling this to someone at school today. He became very worried about me, saying things like, "Lying there in bed, worrying about dying? How can that be good for you?"

"It's just wondering," I told him. "I'm not worried about it. I just wonder if this will be the night that I expire."

This is not the first time I've felt this way. And I know that I am being overworked.

Anybody got a high-paying, low-stress job out there?