Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The Adverse Affects of Teaching

I suppose simply reading my blog from a few weeks ago would tell you (you know, the one in which it was snowing out, on May 1, and I was out of my mind), but teaching is an exhausting and incredibly stressful job. Even on the last day of school this past Friday, as I was checking out and heading home for the summer, there was drama. Some woman had brought her kid to school (he was in my class, by the way...and had NOT been to school for over a WEEK), marched up the stairs to the lockers without checking in at the office, and when she found his locker empty, began DUMPING OUT ALL THE GARBAGE CANS ON THE SECOND FLOOR. You see, his personal books were gone. So, she thought it was acceptable to dump all the garbage on the floor, searching for the books. She then attempted to take similar books from the school library, because that would be "fair." Yeah. I got the hell out of there and let the principal deal with it; there's a reason they pay them the big bucks. That crazy woman was the reason.

So anyway, any stress-related ailments that I have been experiencing usually go away during the first week of summer vacation. Not this time. Right now, I am experiencing the following:
  • I have a horrible rash of acne on my chin
  • Back pain
  • Can't sleep
  • Asthma attacks
  • My 3rd period in 6 weeks
  • Fatigue (no wonder on this one...I can't sleep)
Granted, school just ended 4 days ago. But this kind of stress-related crap has got to stop. I've got a lot of work to do this summer. I suppose this stuff won't stop me from gardening, writing curriculum and writing my book; I'll just be ugly and coughing while I participate in those activities. I would just like to experience some normal health, for once.

Monday, May 23, 2005

2:30am. Time to get up.

I can't go into details, but I was awakened at 2:30am, and I've been up since.

No, it was not for any type of sexy reason.

Anyway, I was too awake to fall back asleep, so I stayed up. I made coffee at 4:15am. Had some bread with butter and some coffee. Fired up the lappy and did some ebay work, and other internet stuff. Paid a bill.

And all of a sudden, I realized that THE SUN WAS COMING UP. It wasn't even 5am, and I could see it getting lighter outside. And then I heard the birds.


How the hell do I sleep through that shit on a daily basis? Those birds are loud as hell! Tweet tweet fucking tweet. Man!

That's just my cranky, no-sleep talking. They actually sounded rather nice. Just startling how loud they were. It was also nice to feel cool air in the house. It's been so damned hot, and there I was, sitting in the cool air, listening to cheeping birds.

It was ok, I guess. I suppose there are worse ways to spend the 4am hour.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Sappy-Ass Shit

Man, I have become such a weepy fool.

The other day, I was so stressed out because of my superiors. I can't go into the details, because I might be filing a grievance because of it.

So I'm totally stressed out, and I want to get out of this situation, but feel helpless because the last time I tried to transfer the fools didn't even read my resumé. I felt trapped, disgusted, and hopeless.

And I'm sitting in my office, working on "writing up" some information about incidents that have happened. I'm doing this during lunch time. My best friend at work, S, is sitting with me, eating his cereal.

All of a sudden, he gets up and says, "Well, I'm going upstairs."

"No! Where are you going? Don't go!" I call after him.

"Well, I've asked you three questions, and you aren't answering me, and I don't even think you knew that I asked questions. You're just really into that stuff you're writing, and I don't see how I'm helping..."

"No! Please, don't go! You're helping just by being here..." and I motion with my hand for him to close the door, because all of a sudden, I'm crying.

S, being someone who actually cares about his friends, came back in and shut the door.

I just broke down. "Just having you in here is helping. I've been so lonely this year. I feel helpless and alone because of the shit that's happening. And you're my best friend here at work, and I hardly get to see you anymore, and..."

And I couldn't finish. I just cried.

And S. comforted me in the best possible way a person could. He said, "You're my best friend at work, too."

And up until that moment, I didn't know that. Because S. is everybody's friend. Everybody loves him. He makes everybody laugh. He gets along with everybody. He makes friends faster than anyone I've ever known.

But I didn't know I was his best friend at work, until that moment. I feel both proud and ashamed; I'm proud to be his friend, and also ashamed that I didn't know how he felt.

Furthermore, I'm ashamed to be posting such sappy-ass shit on my blog. What kind of fucking pity-party is this, anyway? I feel like everybody's lame-ass, charity case friend.

Monday, May 02, 2005

The Best I Can Do

The best I can do to stand this job is to torment others.

Like right now, for instance. My kiddos have extra time to complete an assignment, and they've been doing anything but work. So then they have "needs," (i.e. how to spell something, wanting to get out of class, needing not to work, but to do anything else) and want me to call on them.

So I sit here, with a big smile on my face, not calling on them.

They start to complain: "Miss, my arm hurts! ... Miss, aren't you going to call on me?"

Um............ no.