Just Say No

On Saturday, I went to a bridal shower. It was lovely. There was one very old lady there, and some other "older" ladies, and some "can't be called old yet" ladies (I suppose I'm in that category), and some "younger" ladies.

One of the younger ladies sat on the floor while the bride was opening gifts. Lo and behold (and I couldn't help but behold, it was right there), her butt crack was popping out the top of her jeans.*

I leaned over and whispered to Jeepy Girl, "I dare you to drop a pencil in there."

She replied, "I don't have a pencil. But I have a dime." Giggling ensues. We are bad shower guests, I think.

More present opening, Butt Crack repositions herself on the floor, and exposes even more of herself. I leaned over to Jeepy Girl again and said, "I dare you to offer her a 3/16 wrench so she can get some work done."

More insane giggling. Well, we were laughing, but trying to hold it in. I think that sounds like "Chhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeee snort snort."

When we had regained our composure, I asked Jeepy again, "Who can sit like that and not know? Wouldn't you feel a breeze?"

She replied, "She knows. What I don't understand is who she thinks she's going to pick up here."

I said, "People do that to pick up sex partners? I am stating for the record that NOBODY wants to see that. Pull up yer damn pants." The last conversation was held in the car, as we were driving home. No, we are not quite rude enough to talk that loudly so Butt Crack could hear it.

Speaking of rude, though, Jeepy Girl told me about an interaction she had at work. She sometimes eats both her breakfast and her lunch at her desk, while working, because she needs to leave early two days per week to go to class. So, she takes her "lunch" at the end of the day when she needs to leave early. On one of these days, the woman who sits near her said, OUT LOUD,

"If I ate as much as you do each day, I'd be as big as a house."

I told her she should have spit the food in her mouth all over that beeyotch, right at that moment. But she didn't. I think she just said something noncommittal. Who can blame her? She was blindsided by the rudest comment ever. Have you ever?

*This is not Butt Crack. This was a different butt crack that I witnessed on the same day, just later on, at a roller derby bout.