Sunday, February 22, 2004

What do you do when... feel constantly insulted?

I think I am going to have a serious problem going to school tomorrow. Getting there physically isn't the problem, I mean mentally and emotionally it will be difficult. More and more, I hate the job.

So jaded! So cynical I am! So talking like Yoda I am! See? See what public schools do to a person? get myself through, I am going to focus on subversion. I will have to subvert the act of teaching into something meaningful. I believe I will start with a moderately-sized, handmade sign, taped to the wall above my computer. It will read, "Do you care?" To others, it will appear that I am an advocacy zealot, constantly reminding myself that I am a teacher because I care.

Of course, I will know, and now you know, I will post it there so I can remind myself, "No, I do not care, and I don't have to care. I just have to do a good job and go home." Which is what I will tell myself everytime I look at it.

"So sad, Amy! That is such a sad story!" you opine.

"Zip it, Freakshow!" I reply. "I care about my family! I have cared about everybody else's family for my entire career! Doesn't my family deserve my care?"

"Well, jeezy creezy, when you put it that way, I kinda feel like an ass," you say to me.

"Well, you should," I say back. Then I stomp off, trying to shake off the guilt that years of indentured servitude have impressed upon me. Then I grumble, "Sorry. You are not an ass."

I am trying not to feel like one, myself. THIS is what public school does to a person. It makes a person feel bad for wanting to take care of her own family.

--groovygrrl, queen of free agency

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