Monday, June 12, 2006

Nobody knows this.

Nobody knows how depressed I can get in the early days of summer.

I suspect I'm not the only teacher that feels this way, which is why I'm revealing it. It takes me a long while to shed the stress of the school year. Since it ends very suddenly, and summer begins very suddenly, the transition can be tough. I still feel the need to fill my days to the brim. I still feel the need to work 12 hours each day, at least. I still feel like I should fall into bed each night, so exhausted that I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow.

And so I schedule things--all the things that didn't get finished during the school year. Banking, cleaning, shredding junk mail, sorting laundry for the goodwill, gardening projects, etc. etc. It all gets very big and looms very large, and then I have something to stress out about.

At which point, I start to get very depressed.

I'm used to being under a tremendous amount of stress, and I'm used to working a tremendous amount each day, so that when I sit and think, "I should be relaxing," I can't relax, because my list is so long. I think, "No time for that--there's too much to finish."

I have no balance in my life during the school year, and I don't have much balance in the summer anymore, either. It's far better than last year, however, when I was working for the university--that was far worse.

So today, I haven't done much in the way of anything. I did unmold the soap I made last night, and cleaned my mold and prepared it for tonight's soap. Otherwise...I've put in a load of laundry, and played with my daughter, and had a lengthy, in-person conversation with a friend. Watered the tomatoes. Made some mac and cheese for the cutie.

I'm still depressed, though. I feel trapped.

4 comments:

  1. I make it about 2 weeks and then I get overly tired. I guess you could call it depression. I sleep a lot during the day and just feel run down and crappy. It hasn't happened every summer since I have been teaching, but the last few for sure.

    Check out my blog at the start of July and see how I am doing (I end this week).

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  2. Well, it's a comfort to know that I'm not the only one. I suppose it affects us all differently.

    Do people in the Real World get depressed on their vacations?

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  3. I don't think people in the Real World take enough vacation time to know the difference.

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  4. That's interesting. I always ended up with a summer job or other big summer plans, but now that I'm going back into education I don't know if I'll work next summer, and maybe I'll end up with those feelings, too. I hope not, and I hope you feel better soon.

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