Nobody knows how depressed I can get in the early days of summer.
I suspect I'm not the only teacher that feels this way, which is why I'm revealing it. It takes me a long while to shed the stress of the school year. Since it ends very suddenly, and summer begins very suddenly, the transition can be tough. I still feel the need to fill my days to the brim. I still feel the need to work 12 hours each day, at least. I still feel like I should fall into bed each night, so exhausted that I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow.
And so I schedule things--all the things that didn't get finished during the school year. Banking, cleaning, shredding junk mail, sorting laundry for the goodwill, gardening projects, etc. etc. It all gets very big and looms very large, and then I have something to stress out about.
At which point, I start to get very depressed.
I'm used to being under a tremendous amount of stress, and I'm used to working a tremendous amount each day, so that when I sit and think, "I should be relaxing," I can't relax, because my list is so long. I think, "No time for that--there's too much to finish."
I have no balance in my life during the school year, and I don't have much balance in the summer anymore, either. It's far better than last year, however, when I was working for the university--that was far worse.
So today, I haven't done much in the way of anything. I did unmold the soap I made last night, and cleaned my mold and prepared it for tonight's soap. Otherwise...I've put in a load of laundry, and played with my daughter, and had a lengthy, in-person conversation with a friend. Watered the tomatoes. Made some mac and cheese for the cutie.
I'm still depressed, though. I feel trapped.