Sunday, May 18, 2008

Just Depression, I think.

I don't think a mid-life crisis is a real thing. Aren't we all just wandering around, in some level of depression, wondering if we're wasting our lives?

I know I am. I have been, ever since I had to go back to work after maternity leave, 5 years ago. Here we are, with my daughter about to enter kindergarten in the fall, and we are no better off than we were before.

Are we happy as a family? Sure. Do we love each other? Yes. Do we get along relatively well with each other? Again, yes.

But are we happy with our lives? Am I happy with my life? Do I really enjoy what I do, day in and day out?

I'm not alone in saying, "No." As Drew Carey once opined, they have a support group for those of us who hate our jobs. It's called, "...Everybody, and they meet at The Bar."

There is a couple I know of that are getting divorced. This has happened to several of my friends, within the last few years. Mid-life crisis for one of them, it has been posited.

I disagree. I think it's just simple depression. Chemical imbalance requiring meds? Maybe. But a good week of working out at the gym and going swimming with the kids would probably do a world of good.

But I digress. That's not my life.

I've said in the past, and I'll say again, more than anything I want to be self-employed. I'm throwing some money at that issue, and making something happen toward that end. I've sold some writing, and I'm going to do more independent writing (my books are selling well), and my new venture will be less work, with some automaticity as far as money is concerned. All good things.

I haven't been able to shake a depressed feeling, however. Of course, I've got two more weeks until vacation, and I'll be on my own for 11 blissful weeks.

On my own, in my mind. I'll still be here with my family. We're happy, and doing fine. I just don't understand how some people can fuck up their families lives because they aren't feeling jovial.

It's called Life, not Tea Party.

1 comment:

  1. Good use of the Drew Carey quote...and I agree with you.

    I'm not a firm believer in "mid-life crises" either, but I think the depression timing seems conveniently close to mid-life.

    And I'm rooting for you....