Monday, September 25, 2006

A Tale of Two Feces

**Warning Warning Warning**
Parental Blog Forthcoming!

Our Advendtures in Potty Training are just getting started, it seems. Our baby girl has been peeing in the potty since the end of June, which was a thrill in itself. She now runs to the potty all on her own, takes care of business, and can pull her pants back up when she wants. When she wants to run naky, then that's what happens.

Until we catch her, and say, "Where are your panties?" Like we have to ask.

So Papa decided, a couple of weeks ago, that it was time to potty train In Earnest, i.e. go for the potty BM. Oh, yeah. We knew it would be a struggle. He tried for several days in a row, constantly mentioning Pooping in the Potty.

"Miffy?" our baby would ask. She wants to play Miffy on the computer.

"No, you have to poop on the potty, " The Behaviorist Parent would reply. On and on and on, until we would give in and give her a diaper. While diapering her, we would mention, "If you poop on the potty, you'll get ________." Fill in the blank with whatever reward would work for that day.

Last week, Papa was Adamant. (No, not Adam Ant, he was adamant about refusing diapers. Just stop that.) The diapers were gone, and he was serious. Of course, our precious babe decided, instead of actually moving her bowels on the toilet, she would withold the bm as long as possible.

"As long as possible" is "two days," for those who don't know.

So I'm sitting at the table, internetting, and in comes the girlie, on tiptoe, bare-butted, clenching, and making a peculiar noise. "Eeeeeerrrrrrnnnnnnhhhhhh," is an approximation of it. Make sure it's high-pitched and nasal.

"Run to the potty!" I urged, and she did. Trotted, mostly, but she made it. Lo and behold, she sat there and pooped on the potty! Hooray! Big reward time!

Here we come to the tales:

Tale 1:

Later on, Papa walks into the kitchen, and stops. He lifts his foot, and says to me, "What is that? Check that out," meaning the small, brown something on the floor. I reply, " I don't have to check it out, " and clean it up. So, Papa was the proud winner of the day. Don't you know? The day your daughter first poops in the potty, the first person to step in a butt nugget in the kitchen gets a year of good luck, and a wish!

What did he wish for? I think he wished he'd never stepped in it.

Tale 2:

Later than that, girlie's room still smelled. What the? Why? Whazzat? I went on a poop search, and came up with a LARGE NUGGET. So, when she had run to me, clenching, she had already had the experience, only on the floor of her room, under one of her toys. Or, she covered it up. In either case, you must understand my COMPLETE AND UTTER DISMAY when our smaller dog found the nugget right when I did, and proceeded TO EAT IT.

*still reeling*

*reels some more*

***practically faints***

Parenthood is NOT for the faint of heart.

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